Thursday, April 30, 2020

A Poem - I Got Big Bones

My last post was a tad self-indulgent...that's me. I kick start myself in strange ways. Last night we watched a live program sponsored by the Public Theatre. The Apple Family Plays, What Do We Need to Talk About by Richard Nelson.

I wrote a poem inspired by what I saw as we enjoyed a dessert made for us by our neighbors Steve and Cathy.



I got big bones
Feel them now
My elbow joint
Through old skin as young muscle recedes.

The Wound Dresser has not gotten to me yet

I lay quiet on my gurney at night 
Tourniquet tight about my voice

So that things might not be said
The ought not be said

‘specially

during a crisis.

World always in crisis.

Some type of crisis or another

I won’t go into that here. You know. 
You know what I mean.

Quarantine. Is sublime. I have lived

Everyday of April. Noticed
The time. Relished morning.

Noticed new growth

Outside.

Inside.

Regular sleep.

Coffee. Yoga. My wife
Not rushing away from me
Only to return stressed from her day

We spend sunrise together
And night

And lunch.

Dinner and after
Relaxed Mind goes good with Makers Mark
And dessert a gift from our neighbors

And then sleep
Mostly regular sleep

Except when cats create
Mischief and Mayhem

Then I feel that bearded man
Standing over me
Assessing my condition
My situation. I scan his face

For a clue
 
 

Monday, April 27, 2020

LUCKY 7 ?

As Jen and I enter our seventh week of what began as self imposed quarantine, we wonder if it will be a continuation of declining numbers with optimism for the future on the rise. This is a time to look forward. Looking back is a trap. Things are always problematic when it comes to memory. We can become "stuck" in the past. As Jim Morrison of the Doors put it: "The future's uncertain and the end is always near."

So the present is what matters most.

Right now I am grateful for every deep breath I take. Every moment of every day is precious. Every life. Precious.

I have been, for the past year, plus, contemplating what to include in my life. Long before this reset button got hit, (Corona Virus Lock-down,) I was trying, as ever, to figure out what’s next. I have finally completed my tours of duty and done my best to fulfill an oath to do some good in this world. Thanks to the help of so many amazing people, that I have done, and will cherish always. But what next?

Do I jump back into the mad scrum of people clamoring for attention? To “sell myself” and my cultural wares?

Do I put my work in order so that when I am gone those foragers for literary truffles, miners for pop-culture gold, cultivators of originality, can easily unearth my work and discover it anew worthy of attention?

Or shall I consign myself and all memory of my experience, existence, my truth and passion, to oblivion .          (I hear a tiny violin!)

It is a mighty power and heavy weight. A cross to bear. I hold my life in my hands. I love my family in the nostalgia which is our collective past. I cannot even explain how much they mean to me now.

My failures are complete in that I have not achieved any level of success in the arts which had been a blind, ill informed ambition for so long. What a waste, but even now, I indulge in that self centered sorrow which has habitually held me back.I must stop looking back, lest I be frozen, turned to salt, paralyzed...

Yet still I ask: what is this life? So many before me with much more extraordinary eloquence have asked as much and given more enlightened answers. And I still question: what difference do we make?

It is not despair I feel, though uselessness is more akin to my present state. What does it matter?

And yet...

My breath...promises another moment to delve, to discover, to ponder and search. My heart will not let me forget Love. My body still yearns to be touched and admired. My mind is ready to be engaged. Desperate for a new perspective.And I am working my spiritual self. Ceaselessly.

Hope is a verb. An active movement of spirit. Toward better and away from worse.
For me, there has never been a crisis of faith so deep that I refused to believe. And there-in I have found life-lines a plenty. Salvation seems too large a word with negative connotations. Yet, here I am. Saved from silence to wonder about the Mysteries. To contemplate my wounds and the fires which caused them. To know that no person is at fault for my supposed suffering. That I am responsible for all of it. In that knowledge there, I find solace. 
 
Most of all I feel a great need to share. Share what ever may be beneficial to my loved ones. If it be a song, a poem or a few bucks. In my self-absorption I may forget a birthday or an anniversary, but I will not let that stop me from trying to reach out. Love you all...


Sunday, April 12, 2020

Happy Easter

Photo: Meadowood taken by Sea Aviar 4. 12. 20

Though time be fraught with sadness for the passing of many, earth renews herself with spectacular gladness.

Hope is a verb. An active movement of spirit. Toward better and away from worse. 
 
Joy to all grateful for this day. May those suffering be comforted, may those strong use their strength to help the weak. May kindness reign over us all.

Love, 

Jen & Mark
                                                                                                                               

Tuesday, April 7, 2020

Checking In...How you Doin'?

What a week.

The first seven days of April have seen the cases of COVID-19 rise along with the death toll. 38 confirmed in Pitt County, with one fatality. Lowe's is still open, but with new entrance and exit patterns to prevent people form concentrating in one spot for too long. Publix put tape on the floor to demarcate the six foot distance rule, and Walmart has closed its garden entrance along with the pharmacy entrance as well. I did not enter the lone open entrance. I had my groceries and was just looking to pick up some Black Kow for the garden. Lowe's was out of it. It was surreal to see the Greenville Mall parking lot virtually empty on a Monday morning. Our small town feels smaller though there is still quite a bit of truck traffic on the road. More and more people wearing masks in the supermarket.

We have two cats now. Jen was yearning and since we were to be home for a long stretch, it seemed a good time to bond with two young male felines. Didi and Gogo. They come from Dr. Kuhn of East Carolina Veterinary Group. They were rescued from a "bad situation" when just months old and have lived for the most part at the vets. Their original names are Fester and Gomez after Addams Family characters. The one's nickname was Gogo. So we changed the unappealing name of Fester to Didi after the characters in Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot.  

If these are not absurd times...

We here are all healthy and hunkered down for the moment. Jen is working from home and I am taking a slower, more methodical approach to the gardens around the house. Keeping myself busy, praying for all my friends and family around the globe dealing with damage caused by this horrific event.

Please be safe. I feel confident the good and true nature of humanity is working diligently for facts which will support the easing of this restrictive lock down.

Until then, if you can, make the most of this brief pause.

Wednesday, April 1, 2020

Pardon My Rant

Happy April my fellow fools. What a cruel month indeed. Lilacs will be welcome, for their sweet fragrance and reassurance that hope springs eternal.

After our self-quarantine upon return from NYC (we both had colds) we are thankfully not exhibiting any signs of discomfort. The number of confirmed cases of COVID-19 in Pitt county over the past two weeks has gone from  6 to 10 to 26 today. We are under a "Stay at Home" order issued by the Governor Roy Cooper and even Lowe's is closed. Fortunately we stocked up on things so I can work in the garden.

All of the debate over the past two weeks has resulted in a coming to terms with our present situation. It has been comforting to watch President Trump go from a crisis denier to a champion for affirmative action.Yet attacks on the messengers never seem to quit. Politicization of this issue while the event is taking place will, literally, kill people. I, for one, am saddened by the vigilante rhetoric issued by purely jaded and cynical people.

The epicenter of an unprecedented public health crisis rages with over a thousand people dead, and yet haters want to make this about theft, political posturing, and elections. There will be plenty of time for recriminations when this is all over. I say if you can't be part of the solution, don't be part of the problem.


March came in like a Bull but went out like a Bear. Dire predictions by the Wall Street Journal about an economic collapse rivaling 2008 are enough to drive some folks to drink.
 (Rethinking the Coronavirus Shutdown:
No society can safeguard public health for long at the cost of its economic health, March 19, 2020.)

Wake up. This is not a drill. I understand if you are not a doctor or a nurse and have no expertise in those areas and can’t really speak with authority about the subject. Still there’s a lot to talk about. But instead of refocusing our wandering attention on the system failures which have brought us to this brink, do I detect some notion that we can just go back to work and partying the way we did in the “good old days”?

It’s amazing how the Capitalist has no qualms with poverty except when it pertains to him. The WSJ makes a point that about the Chinese recovery underway and how its government has an enormous stake in getting its economy back on track by “absorbing the losses.”

Is the Wall Street Journal implying that Communism is more successful than Capitalism when dealing with such a widespread humanitarian crisis?

I shudder to think it.

No one wants to acknowledge the Elephant in the room. The one that wants a smaller federal government less involved in the lives of citizens. And how that has, and is, failing all of us at this moment in time. We have been exposed for the frauds and hucksters that we are. Because the “government” no matter the size, is always US!

Our Health Care System, long debated these many years with pitifully little done to improve access and infrastructure to serve the public, has been exposed as woefully deficient in even protecting their own work force, let alone the general population, from a pandemic.

After 9/11 this country, by order of a Republican President and a good man, began National Preparedness in an aggressive manner. As years have gone by I’ve seen that preparedness wan. Time has a way of dulling the mind to clear and present danger which seems only the stuff of novelists and science fiction fantasy writers until the stock market crashes.

Now we have your attention. And the best you can do is say the Communists are doing it better than we are. Not what I have come to expect from the WSJ which has become my go-to source of information since the New York Times is failing.

We have done this to ourselves by refusing to put partisan politics aside and come together in a crisis. And I am not talking about the pandemic. The pandemic has exposed us. It is not the cause. We have had almost 20 years since 9/11 to become a better, stronger nation. To prove that Capitalism and Democracy still works. And we have squandered many of those years for the misplaced value that monetary riches equal happiness. That power is the ultimate pinnacle of success.

The first value we put forth in the Declaration of Independence states that all men are created equal with certain unalienable rights. The first of which listed is LIFE!

And today are we now advocating for abandonment of the sick to their ultimate fate for the sake...the sake of what exactly? The economy? WTAF (A standing for Actual)?

Do I detect an underlying hidden agenda conspiracy to save the population by just letting a part of it succumb to a lowly virus? Survival of the fittest? Who decides who lives and who dies? And what gives them the authority? And who will profit? Is that really the issue? A two trillion dollar bailout by the government is a political stunt that will mollify some, help a few, and is a band aid on an amputation. Yet we say we can't fund a permanently functioning heath care system for all.

A lot of folks have been saying for a long time how corrupt our government is. It has too much power. And that power makes them mad. Mad as in crazy. Crazy as in insane.

It is insane to put forth the prospect that human life is too expensive for Capitalism to manage. We have a serious failure of leadership in our country. Lacks of imagination, initiative, and strength of will have made us weak. Greed for not just money, but power, is the addictive drug of our government. Too often, the emphasis is put on power with none put on the RESPONSIBILITY that goes with it!

Just as the debate over a presidential “indiscretion” blinded this nations ambition prior to 9/11, the power struggle over the past few years took center stage in a nation sick and tired of power struggles. And still nothing done to improve health care or preparedness for emergencies.

We can’t just shake our heads and sigh this time. Our lack of vision and resolve... and a microscopic organism has forced this country to stop. And while we are at it, take a good long look at itself. Think before you speak. 

The people of the United States of America will persevere.This is not a game where winners wear laurel and the vanquished are trampled under foot.

We will come out of this better and stronger. Because that’s what we, the people, do. The market will recover. Let’s do it with dignity. And when we can all shake hands again, and pat one another on the back, forget about who gets the credit. We all will have done our part.